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Strengthening Your Marriage After Infidelity

Marriage counseling after infidelity with Carolina Counseling Services Fayetteville NC,couples counseling,proactive marriage counseling,marriage therapist that specialize in infidelity

Strengthening Your Marriage After Infidelity


One of the most devastating discoveries a spouse can experience is finding out that their partner is either having or has had an affair. Infidelity causes a wide array of emotions, ranging from disbelief, guilt, deep sadness, depression, shame to manic anger, and anything in between. There is no right or wrong set of feelings that can best describe the emotions felt.

In the same manner, the effects of an affair on a relationship also vary, ranging from the outright end of the marriage to a desire to know more about the affair, or to find ways how to mend and strengthen the relationship. No other marital problems can be more heartbreaking and emotionally painful than infidelity. The deep sense of betrayal it creates undermines the very foundation on which a marriage stands.

An affair, however, does not have to mean the end of a marriage you put much value on. Divorce does not have to be the final verdict to infidelity. With marriage/couples counseling, healing and rebuilding the relationship can be possible.


The Many Faces of Infidelity

Infidelity is not a new phenomenon. It is as old as the institution of marriage, existing for as long as people become united as couples, including those outside marriage. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, some national surveys reveal that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have been involved in extramarital affairs. The chances of female infidelity increased as more women go to work outside the home.

Infidelity poses different appearances among couples. What is considered infidelity by some may not be what other couples consider as unfaithfulness. There are forms of infidelity which may be acceptable or tolerable for some couples, but not for others.

Generally, a spouse is committing infidelity if there is a strong attraction to another person other than his or her partner. Infidelity is being committed if the relationship is kept secret with lies and deception. In most cases, the unfaithful spouse feels emotionally closer to the other person than to his or her partner.

While it is more likely for a spouse in a distant relationship or have unresolved conflict with his or her partner to have an affair, infidelity is not confined to those situations.  Infidelity can also be an indication that a larger relational problem exists between couples. Many relationships, even the happy ones, can be susceptible to infidelity. The reasons vary as to why affairs happen. Surprisingly, most of them are not fundamentally about intimacy. Here are some of them:


  • Emotional health issues, such as depression, anxiety or mood disorders
  • Addiction, either to substance, alcohol, or gambling
  • Physical health issues, such as diabetes or chronic pain
  • Breakdown of communication between spouses
  • Unresolved marital problems
  • Lack or loss of affection, satisfaction, fondness and caring for each other
  • Low self-esteem
  • Immaturity
  • Impulsiveness while under the influence of drugs or alcohol
  • Retaliation


Knowing and understanding the reason for infidelity is vital in recovering and strengthening your marriage. Identifying and discussing the motivating factors leading to the affair require judicious insight and open communication. If not addressed in the right manner, these issues may further escalate and fuel the already intense emotions.


Upon the Discovery of an Affair

A range of powerful emotions can be triggered when the infidelity of a partner comes to light – shock, rage, depression, shame, remorse, etc. These emotions may continue to cycle several times a day, one minute you are dead set on ending the marriage and the next you are direly desperate to preserve it.

The pain and shock of discovering infidelity result in it being much easier to decide to turn your back on a marriage damaged by the person you trusted most than to move beyond and live with a sore, wounded heart. It takes considerable courage and strength of mind to restore trust, to self-examine yourself on what could possibly be your contribution why the affair happened, and to take the necessary steps and effort for the relationship work. On the other hand, it requires a great amount of humility on the part of the unfaithful spouse to admit his or her weaknesses, character deficiency, shame and fears in order to earn forgiveness and move on.

Despite the fact that infidelity is one of the major reasons in many divorces, 50 percent of American marriages are able to survive an extramarital affair. At this point, seeking objective support to achieve marital recovery, whether to find healing or mend your marriage in the aftermath of an affair is crucial. Resolving marital issues is one of the 9 good reasons to seek counseling now. Marriage counseling can be the key to put the issue into perspective, uncover possible marital problems, acquire tools to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and evade divorce – if that is the shared goal.


To End or Not to End Your Marriage

Infidelity is one of the primary reasons for the high rate of divorce in the country. Whether it has been going on for years or a one-time mistake, the act of infidelity has the power to split couples that were once in a seemingly perfect relationship. Regardless of who the perpetrator or victim is, both sides bear the consequences of a marriage damaged by infidelity.

Infidelity in marriage brings up a lot of questions. Should you put an end to your marriage or should you stay together? Can you continue to trust a person who has betrayed you? How do you start rebuilding that trust? Infidelity is indeed a tough situation that needs the right support to help both spouses decide how to proceed with the relationship.

Often, the kind of help received or the lack of it when needed most, dictates the outcome of the marriage. Your marriage may go many ways as a reaction to an affair. It is important to remember that it is not infidelity that will “make or break” the relationship, but rather it is the actions you take after the affair. If you continue without any help, it is unlikely for your marriage to heal healthily or happily. On the other hand, seeking counseling may help you rebuild a loving and stronger relationship than ever after infidelity.


Moving on to a Revitalized Marriage

It must be recognized that not every marriage tainted by infidelity can be saved or is worthy of saving. Sometimes there is too much damage, or the other spouse is not fully committed. It is important to acknowledge the truth no matter how painful it may be.

Once a mutual decision has been reached to rebuild the relationship, you need to be realistic about what to expect ahead. If both of you express commitment to have your marriage rebuilt and restored anew and have the willingness and strength to go through the process, the rewards can be great – a relationship that flourishes in depth, honesty and intimacy.

In realizing this, the help of a trained and experienced marriage counselor is necessary. The expertise of the right fit professional independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – North Fayetteville OfficeFayetteville, NC is what you need to help you rebuild your relationship on a new foundation of trust, respect, love and intimacy. Though recovery from infidelity may not be easy, remember that your marriage is at stake. CCS – North Fayetteville Office Fayetteville, NC can help guide you through the darkest time in your marriage. Call now to request an appointment.

Serving Areas: Carolina Counseling Services

Counties: Cumberland, Bladen and Sampson Counties, NC
Areas: Fayetteville NC, Ft Bragg NC, Pope Field NC, Silver City NC, Linden NC, Bowmore NC, Autryville NC, Bunnlevel NC, Erwin NC, Dundarrach NC, Pineview NC, Rex NC, Lemon Springs NC, Johnsonville NC, Eastover NC, Stedman NC and Wade, NC
Zip Codes: 28311, 28395, 28390, 28356

Counseling Information

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  • Call: 910-636-0011 (Fastest way to schedule)
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Carolina Counseling Services – North Fayetteville Office, Fayetteville, NC

422 McArthur Road, Suite 2
FayettevilleNC 28311

Our Mailing Address:

PO BOX 9909
Fayetteville, NC 28311

Choose your Therapist

  • Becky Clark, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Anxiety, Depression, Individuals, Couples, Geriatrics, Criminal Justice, Stress Management, Loss and Grief related to death, disability, divorce, deployment, “empty nest”, retirement and other major life transitions
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare, and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Fayetteville, NC